Mummyhood has been bittersweet. One thing I have come to realise is that this mummyhood started the moment I realised the pregnancy. Before you have a name and before we know you are a little girl, I had already been trekking on the path of parenthood. Although you are 19 months old now, I have been a mum for 28 months now. Wow!
These days, I have had more tough days of sleep deprivation, of sadness, of endless tasks these days. I need to keep my perspective where it belongs. I had so 'managed' without a confinement lady nor a helper since the day you arrived. Sometimes I wonder how did I do it all.
It is getting tougher these days. The challenge of balancing both work and you is taking its toll on me. SOmetimes, I dozed off many times while driving at the speed of 100km/hr along the highway. I slapped myself hard to keep awake because you were in the car. But I dozed off again ten seconds later. And I slapped myself again.
Mummyhood is just amazing. As much as it is about caring for another little being, it is also about realising so much more about oneself and how much more one can do. My parcel of joy has also shown me how much more patient a person can be. To peer down your wailing throat when you are at your most demanding and yet feel an unconditional joy- this is love.
But love does not boast. I hope I am not boasting or even amplifying my love for you. Because this is what all mothers do. Doing and trying our best. I am really trying hard.
I am hanging on. I am determined to do well for us. I didn't know parenthood could make me feel this way. I am thankful to have you.
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From someone who has had an accident because I dozed off at the wheel before (many years back with no baby thankfully), it's no laughing matter. I still am a sleepy driver now, and it still freaks me out, but I've learnt to deal with it in several ways. You could do some of these next time...
ReplyDelete1. Open window - the polution and heat will make u uncomfortable LOL The wind will mess up your hair and hopefully irritate u.
2. On radio loud loud and sing along
3. Sit up, lean forward and look like a ridiculous driver paying serious attention
4. Stop at the road side and take a quick nap. You'll find that you'll be wide awake once you've stopped the car, you don't really need a nap anymore LOL
Pls be careful.
Thanks, Cons. For the reminder. I know it's extremely dangerous to be dozing off while driving. It's terrible. I actually tried tip No. 4 before. And guessed what? I slept in the car for a good 10-15 mins!! Or at times I dozed off at the traffic lights!!!That's how sleepy I am.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, thanks. Will keep in mind the tips!