1 Year Older,1 Year Wiser

28th November 2009
Another outstanding post sitting in the Draft coluum since last month.............

Today is my birthday, Marsh. This is the second time I am celebrating my birthday as a mother and each time it feels really surreal because you are celebrating my birthday with me. I do not know how many more times are there in store for us but I am counting my blessings and I am grateful for all of them.

This year I decided to give myself a new haircut for my birthday. I had been procrastinating for too long to do that. I wanted to go even shorter but my stylist insisted no. After the haircut, i felt I was born again- Rebirth.

Rebirth can takes many forms. It is a sort of rekindling of relationships, a type of faith renaissance, a kind of renewed existence, or simply just a change of attitude. This was how I felt when I had you. A new me.

And now on my birthday, I am still praying silently for a miracle rebirth.

Sorry Marsh, if I sound too cynical on my day.

Anyway, I had given some thoughts about how to enjoy my day. Though it is my birthday but I am only happy if you are. So I decided to bring you for your make up class at Kindermusik (you are always having so much fun in class) and then head down to the Airport where you can have guaranteed space for you to run off your energy! You are always happy running around at our favourite hangout place.

Since you came along, life isn't just me or my birthday anymore. Priorities have changed. It's you. That matters now. Maybe finally I have grown up.

Oh yes! Thank you Daddy for the ice cream cake!

Before my haircut.

A new hairdo, a new me?

My best birthday gift- My baby!

Mum, I can feed myself....

See? Not too bad, huh?

Let me try again, mum!

Yummy!

Marsh and me celebrated with a Zucchini and chicken baked rice for dinner. I have never really started training you on self feeding. I know books encourage this skill but I just never get around doing that. But you have been wanting to self feed and you can do it very well on your own. You are not very messy and you do get food into your mouth. Good job, Marsh!

Do Babies Need Christmas Gift?

As mothers, we all , to various extents, carry a baggage of our pasts, we all try to recreate a good facets of our childhoods and to compensate for the painful ones. The memory of what we did and did not receive as children shapes- some would say warps- our approach to motherhood. We try to give our children (and by proxy ourselves) what we lacked as children. For some, it's financial security, a nice house, an unending supply of beautiful clothes and toys (I am guilty of that) Others give guidance and boundaries, a focus on goals and achievement. Still others consider laxity, freedom and unconditional love.

What I most want to give you are the one thing I didnt have in a childhood filled with pets, books, music, christmas celebrations, barefoot summer holidays by the beach and a pony when I turned 13. Haha. Material things aside, I want to, I need to give you a happy mom. And I am working on it. I am out to be happy. And that is a personal quest no one but I can judge, fulfill, imitate or envy.


So now that the Christmas is approaching, I would like to give you a keepsake or treasured gift that you can cherish for years to come. I have given this alot of thought recently. But do you really need christmas gifts when we are buying tons of things for you periodically? Maybe Not. But having said that, I guess it's important to create memories. I dont want you to look back in your photobook in years to come and wonder : How come Santa did not bring you anything that year?

So I am going to gather some gifts given by the people who care for you and let you rip them open and take some cute holiday pictures. What I am going to really give you as your christmas gift this year- more time with you and a Child Sponsorship Programme under your Name.

I have contacted World Vision to sign up to sponsor a child in Mongolia. While we are living a comfortable life here, I want you to grow up realising that another child at your age is leading a totally different kind of life at the other side of the world. While you are getting pretty clothes and amazing toys, the kid probably longs for clean water, basic healthcare or education.

I hope you will grow up and understand the meaning of my christmas gift to you this year and be a kind person. I hope you will cherish this gift for the rest of your life.

Merry Christmas to you, my darling!

This baby Rocks!

Yeah! The dancing bug still bites and you groove and dance anywhere and everywhere there is music! You sway to slow music and jump and dance to fast numbers. I even caught you rocking your body and head vigorously to some techno music! OMG!!

Keep dancing, my baby. Dance in the rain and dance to the moon and back! Keep dancing!

My Dancing Queen!

Mesmerising Musical Ball

We always have fabulous fun at the Airport. Usually we would go T2 but this day I decided to explore T3 together with you. I love going to the airport for its unlimited space for you to run and roam around. To celebrate Christmas, there is this huge Musical Ball at the Departure Hall Level 3. Over 6 metres high, this revolving creation of wonder will play favourite Christmas carols at half hourly interval.

You were so mesmerised by this huge musical ball. You would stand and stared when the musical ball opened up and all the smaller balls started to flow down. And when the music starts, you would start to dance and sway! You looked so cute dancing away and many tourists would stop and take pictures of you. And after each performance, I would always have difficulty getting you to leave.

You love it so much that we had been back there 3 times already. And each time, your eyes would light up when you see the Musical Ball. Oh! How I love to see you so happy and having so much fun!

This is how the Musical Ball looks like when it is at rest.

Ta!Ta! The Huge Musical Ball opens up to reveal many smaller balls !

Ummm... when is the Musical Ball starting?

Still closed? I cant wait!
Look how my baby dances around the musical ball!
And more swaying!
Staring.....
And more Staring....
Simply mersmerised by it!
Cant help clapping when the performance ended!

Christmas Trees and Us

I simply adore christmas trees. They make me feel happy! And I think these feelings have rub off on you because of the way you squeal and go: Waahhhhh..... everytime you see one. And then you would point at the top and shout: STAR! This make my heart melts. So I am trying to bring you to see as many christmas trees as possible. More to come, darling!

The giant Christmas Tree at Taka.

This is a very special christmas tree made up of hundreds of teddy bears at Conrad Hotel. You were so fascinated by the bears!

You looked so cute staring and touching at the bears. Finally, the nice staff from the hotel gave you a small little bear to bring home!

This is one of the very few christmas trees at Changi Airport.

This tall one is located at Tampines Mall.

Another one taken with Daddy. Look at the way you were smiling!

A very special white christmas tree!

Neither Here nor There

It has been few weeks since I had gone back to work and many people wondered how did I cope after such a long break. Well, I am still struggling and trying to cope. I find myself caught in a gray zone between work and home. I cant envision going back full time to the work I once enjoyed. I am not the same woman anymore. Somewhere along the way I misplaced my persona, the one who brazened it out for all those years.

As a mother, I would never be able to be free to devote my total time and concentration to the work or anything else anymore. For the past 8 months, I had taken 'leave' from work and I stepped into the role of SAHM without auditioning for the part. You were my full time job. And I pared my once crammed schedule down to the essentials. I had plenty of time with you but now that I have gone back to work, my time had suddenly become more precious. I measured more acutely what I was getting out of work. I have become more productive and efficient. As a working mum, I cannot afford to be a procrastinator anymore.

On certain days I miss you so much at work and wish I am home with you. I was feeling so conflicted. I consoled myself thinking that being home doesnt always translate into being with your kids. Some SAHMs spend as much time at the gym, or the hairdressers/spas. They are home but emotionally distant. I should work on Quality time instead. But having said that, I know I am just being jealous. Jealous of those mothers who can choose to stay home with their little ones.

I miss you , my little baby. That's all.

Christmas Comes Early

I always believe that no matter who you are, where in the world you are and how you celebrate it, Christmas has its own special magic. I know this is a little too early for Christmas but I cant help it. When you see all shapes and sizes of Christmas trees sprouting from every mall, you know the festive season is here. The Christmas paraphernalia- lights, trees, baubles, shimmering shopfronts and stuffed Santas- are already in their Yuletide glory.

And I believe children should have a great time at Christmas. Fairy tales come alive. I have started to plan our second Christmas together. I am definitely getting a christmas tree for you this week without any further procrastination. I love the way you go: Wahhhhh..... every time you spot a Christmas tree. And of course we are going Christmas shopping together and buy special gifts for the people in our life.. It can be maddening. The shops are packed and we have to jostle for space in shops , queue for ages to pay and suffer traffic jams. But I am just going to embrace the madness and enjoy the busyness and try my best to give you a wonderful Christmas. Before the suspicions about Santa start to surface in a few years time.

And of course with Christmas being such a big thing in Singapore, it's a multi million dollar business run as seriously as haute couture fashion, with shows, catalogues, mega marketing and retail promotion. I try to avoid the commercialism and consumerism. I don't need our Christmas to be chic or glamorous but I do appreciate the warmth and excitement of getting together with family and friends.

Now with you in my life, I am starting to appreciate this season even more. After all, it is a celebration of a birth, a harbinger of peace and hope. Which means celebrating you.

My Marshmellow turns 15 months

1st November 2009 Sunday

Happy 15 months, my happy baby! May you always be happy and laughing forever! I Love You!